Life goes on [for some] and random occurences of the day...

Life... or mine anyway, plods determinedly foward at an alarming pace. I have no clue where the summer went. Finding myself in the first week of August is deeply disturbing.... despite the fact that I can not WAIT to go on vacation.... getting a 10 day stretch off of work... going up to the lake from the 21st through the 25th with Jhona and my mom. Should be sweet as hell. On the 26th I'm going to par-tay out at Desiree's new place and get drunk as fuck... because I haven't now in over a year... and that's not right. May spend the weekend there, not sure yet. That will probably depend on how I'm feelin' when I get back from the lake. Then to the fair soonafter that weekend. I'm off from the 21st - 30th. Oh.. took off the 17th & 18th too. Mmmmmmmmmm. Time off.

Since I last wrote about my poor Gypsy.... Pip and Apollo have both died as well... In june. I could explain but I really don't feel like dealing with it mentally at this time. I have four new babies... two adorable Himilayan boys, 8 months old, who both think that I am a horrible monster. One will come for treats but the other will run at top speed to the bottom of the cage to hide in the igloo if I come too near the cage and say something to him. They were rescues though... so god knows how they were treated when they were very small. I had orginally got them to companion with Apollo after Pip died... but then I had to send him to the bridge a week later. The other two are little PEW ['albino'] girls. Very cute. Bit over 2 months old and they're still pretty small. [But I was used to big ones for quite a while] They're crazy.

So today, I get to work and find out that Ethel's leg is all swollen and horrid from lymphangitis. :( She's swollen to her stifle at least and she's -so- swollen that she's... for lack of a better word, leaking. It's Horrible. I feel so bad for her. And I can't help but go back in time about two years ago when Goose flared up badly like that. It was just .... awful and I really, really, really don't want to relive it with Ethel. For the Goose... it didn't end well. Blah!

Ok. Now for the most Random random occurence that could have possibly happened to me ever. I went to the Sav-on with my reluctant mother [she didn't wanna go but she couldn't argue with the pitiful quarter of a tank of gas in the car] today a bit after I got home from work. We pulled up to the pumps next to the ones where the attendants pump it for you and I looked over because there was a worker looking under the hood of the car diagonal from us. He got out from under the hood and looked in the direction of the car. The face was naggingly familiar so I blatantly stared at him while he continued looking at me and started to look like what I imagined I looked like; a bit puzzled but slowly a light was coming on in the head. No. No... It couldn't be..... Oh. My. FUCKING. god. I could tell the moment he knew it was me too. Josh. Working. At. The. Sav-on. ......... Something here does not belong, and for once, I don't think that it's me!!    "Holy shit." I say out loud to my mother as I get out of the car, he's walking toward me smiling. She has no clue who the fuck he is. Ha.Ha.   I'm running on automatic as if it had just been a week ago since I saw him instead of over a year. Not feeling all twitterpated, I think there was just too much shock and disbelief to feel the past pull. So we talked for a while, he asked for my number, and told me that he had been just thinking about me the other day. Don't know that I quite buy -that- but I liked hearing it, I have to admit. When my mom had been sitting in the car after pumping her gas and paying for a few minutes, I finally started the goodbye process, and as I got in the car he told me he'd call me after he got out of work. Mom asks; Who was that?. "*off sounding giggle* J-Josh" She didn't want to believe me. But there was no denying.  .......................  Crazy shit all the time - with a vengance. Seriously.... what the fuck?? Out of all the god damned people in the world that I've come in contact with, HE ends up THERE. I seriously thought that I would never see that kid again. I figured he'd fade away into the ghettolicious city and since Desiree and Kelly can't stand him anymore I thought that the last day was just that. Apparently .... uh.. not.  

Honestly, I don't know whether to be happy or to get a severe case of head shakin' syndrome and say 'Why?' repeatedly. My first instinct is to explode into a happy Jennish shiny confetti moment... but if I wince and bear the admission that I know that I probably would have been much better off if I infact, never did/had seen him again- I know it's true. But now, obsolete. Because he has done a magical reappearance. But there are still things to think about. It would be best if I could just be friends with him [which if he has/is living with a girlfriend may be much more possible], but unfortunately he is attached to a huge pile of unfulfilled lust in the back of my head and if opprotunity uh.. arises, I would be quite hard pressed to walk away from the situation. Even bigger thing to think about is the fact that Desiree told me that they heard he had AIDS, supposedly from his mouth.... and when she said that I went instantly back to a moment in the conversation when he said he had done something to this chick because she had fucked up his entire life.      Yeahhhhh.... That would probably would be the one deterrant that would work. I'm getting ahead of myself by quite large strides though. He hasn't even called me yet. If he doesn't though... it's not like I don't know where he works.... only this time ... it's easily accessable.

*eye twitch... then gives in to the Brain-Mush effect*

Blinded by the .........

lack of fucking glasses!!!!!! Last night when I got home from Ape's I was out of it because I was tired as hell and highish. I passed out in the early scenes of X2 completely dressed and with my glasses on. I remember waking up at one point to pull up the blanket and that's all I remember until 3:05 when my mom decided that it was time for me to get up. *grumblegrumble* Since I was so annoyed that she got me up I stormed downstairs and into the bathroom flinging the comment: 'I'm getting fucking sick of you deciding when it's time for me to get up!' on my way through the living room. She wanted to go to the store so I put on the only makeup I ever wear [eyeshadow, mascara and a bit of glitter] and went upstairs for footwear and glasses.... Found one and not the other.

I'm assuming that I did -SOMETHING- with them while I was asleep. Fell off, or I put them somewhere in a vague waking moment.... or so I thought. I -always- put my glasses on my bedside thingy and they weren't there...... or anywhere else in my room. I've torn it apart, starting with the most likely spots [under and around the bed], going to the least, i.e: behind the rat cage. I'm at a complete loss. I watched House tonight from less than 5 inches from the television... my vision is beyond horrible and I really NEED my glasses or I can't drive or do just about anything. Certainly can't see the TV in my room, that's for damn sure.

But I'm starting to get another headache, from looking at the computer screen this time, so I guess I'm going to go, and smoke a bowl since I haven't yet today because of the giant search for the glasses has taken up almost all time since coming home from the store. I've pretty much given up at this point but may resume the search tomorrow... if I don't find them I may have to go and try to beg a pair of contacts from my eye doctor just so I can go to work on Thursday, because I sure as FUCK can't drive without some sort of magical optical lenses, and DEFINITELY can't when it's pitch dark out, as it is at 5:45am. :(

Dammit all to bloody puss-spewing hell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And the beat goes on...

Good and bad news from 'my' barn of late. The good is that Fergi had her baby on Monday night!!!!! I saw it for the first time yesterday, and today -sucks in a deep, excited breath- I got to go in the stall with Fergi and her baby girl tonight to help Mary B give Fergi her meds [she'd been a bit colicky and off which is not good, but is pretty much betterish] then got to play around with the baby. Sooooooooooo soft and sooooooo cute. <3 <3

The bad is that one of our more relatively new mares, Devon, had to be put down late wednesday afternoon, after colicking badly[had an entraptment, then impaction] since Monday. :( Rest in peace big girl......       Fucking barn is cursed, I am becoming convinced.

Too much shit.....

In other news, I still have no life, but that is hardly a surprise. Instead of only seeing Ape, I haven't really seen her, but have been going to see Megan and Eric every now and again. I saw my friend Nick from high school, who I haven't seen ... probably since the summer after graduation, the other week, which was nice!

Other than that, there is really nothing. Getting to play with that lil' baby was the highlight of my past few months probably. How sad, oui? Not that anyone cares anyway.

R.I.P. Jerry..... :(

Today is a very sad day for me.... my little gray rat, Jerry, died early this morning. I'm wildly uncertain of what was wrong with him. The day before yesterday he was fine and normal, and then yesterday he was lethargic, slightly wheezy and all of his little extremeties were white. Last night before I went to bed I gave him a mix of Gatorade and water with a syringe and he kept on trying to get back out to me when I put him in the cage again but as it was late, I was thinking of getting some sleep so I could go to work. Now I wish I had just sat out with him for hours. Hindsight being 20/20 and all that jazz. Anyway, this morning when I woke up I ran down to the bathroom and back up because I was planning on giving him some more fluids, because he LOVED the gatorade/water that I was giving him last night and when I picked him up he was pretty unresponsive, floppy as a ragdoll and I couldn't see any visible resperation. I could hear his heart beating at that point and I called work [around 5:40am] and begged a part of a personal day from Kerry so I could take him to the vet when they opened.

By 6-6:30am I couldn't hear his little heart beat anymore and I was still planning on at least cruising to the vet just to be SURE, but a while after that his pupils started to turn white and that's when I knew for sure. I guess I'm just glad that he waited for me to wake up so I could hold him in his mommy's arms and let him know that I love him. I just feel so... guilty... for not knowing something was wrong until it was too late, and for putting my stupid want of sleep before his pretty much last request to just be with out with me.

The spiral of self-hatered just keeps finding new ways of growing all the time.

Currently Watching The Pretender - The Complete First Season see related

I need a life

Blah blah blah. Work today was quite good. It was gray and gloomy in the sky, high winds but it was 60 fucking degrees!!!! Thats enough to keep me in a good mood all day long. I also got to work with Cassie, as per the friday norm now, and she's turned out to be a good worker which is always a good thing around the barn cause ya never know. Our old manager stopped by to pick up some grain for Domino, [old, retired horse from the college. he's 37ish now!!!] and chatted with Mary B and I for a while and by the time she left it was past 6 and time for me to get out of there and now here I am.

Apollo had a vet appointment yesterday for a bite that got infectedish and yucky and that got lanced, drained and then frozen with this neat stuff called Verruca Freeze, but then had to put a few stiptic (sp?) swabs to it to stop the bleeding where the freeze didn't get. Today he seems in good shape, and I didn't see any patches of blood in the cage, so hopefully this will all turn out well.

I dunno. Crazy shit all the time. Whatever, I'm not the one who has a  problem, I'm not going to be the one to fix it.